My Life as a Mom

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With 6 happy kids, life can be really fun around here! This blog is dedicated to the joys and sometimes chaos of having a large family. Okay, so it's always chaos around here, but fortunately, it's almost always fun, too!

Friday, June 18, 2004

I do disagree with the practice of letting babies "cry it out" at night. I think babies, like most people, would prefer to not sleep alone. How many couples do YOU know that have separate bedrooms?

Throughout history, families have shared their sleeping spaces. Since cavemen times! It was only when the lords and ladies of the manor had castles large enough that they could have their "own" bedroom, that children were relegated to sleep with the nanny. (You see, even then, the nanny slept with the children - they weren't alone. And the infants still slept with mommy, where she was handy for nursing.)

As a middle class developed in Europe. those families, wanting to be like the upper classes, began putting their own young children in a separate room.

And thus we developed the Western civilization style of putting infants in their own beds, in their own rooms.

Babies who sleep alone are more likely to die from SIDS. With mother there, when the baby has difficulty breathing, mother KNOWS, on some level, and moves and the baby is startled and remembers to breathe. That's the theory, at least.

I believe children who sleep in the family bed are more comfortable - more secure - and are, in actuality, safer. Less likely to die from SIDS, house fires, accidents which can sometimes happen in the crib, etc.

More on Attachment Parenting

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Wednesday, June 16, 2004

I met a family the other day and they're having a great deal of trouble understanding their youngest son. He's 20 months old, but cries a good bit of the day, and actually sounds like a little newborn. A very unhappy little fellow.

I think the boy is undernourished. I really relied on Adelle Davis to help me through my children's younger years. Her nutritional advices are sound - and based on numerous studies, so of course they would be. I remember reading about folic acid from her book which was published in 1972. She referenced studies in the book that indicate that pregnant women need folic acid to ensure the children are born healthy. And then, in 1997, when I was pregnant with my 4th child, I kept reading about "new" data suggesting pregnant women need folic acid.

Apparently the studies Adelle Davis had known about weren't widely known.

I also think babies do better when attachment parenting is practiced in the home. It doesn't foster overdependence. Most attachment parenting families feel their children are exceptionally independent. I know mine are! They don't cling when we go out, they aren't afraid of strangers, and they aren't afraid to spend the night at a friend's house. In fact, when they were 10 & 11, my oldest kids went to visit their grandfather and other relatives - whom they'd only seen a few times previously and never for long - without mom & dad. They were completely excited. No tears were shed, no fears were expressed, despite that they had to fly alone - and the first time in a plane, too! The only tears were the copious ones they shed when LEAVING grandpa to come home!

I think Americans sometimes push our little ones to an independence that causes a deep-seated insecurity. I've heard newborn mothers say their babies have to go into their crib in another room because "he has to learn to sleep alone" - yet I think no newborn just a few days or weeks old should have to "learn" any kind of independence just yet! He's already having to learn the independence of breathing for himself, and eating, and digesting food, and trying to figure out how to get help when he needs it. The sudden disattachment from mother's body is a pretty severe adjustment to make. Why complicate it by making him spend hours upon hours all alone?

In other countries it is not done this way. Babies are given all the affection and closeness that they want in most places. The family bed is practiced, and babies sleep with their mothers, where the breast is nearby and so they are kept fed, warm, and secure. And in some places, babies are strapped to their mothers all day long! The !Kung in particular, in southern Africa, have practiced this form of attachment parenting since time immemorial, most probably. And their population is a pretty happy one, without the drug addiction and violence problems we have in America.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Well, my husband flew out of town again today. :(

I really hope he's enrolled in a frequent flyer program...!

This time he said he decided to NOT bring his laptop. With increased security, it was just too much trouble the last time. He had to remove the laptop from the case, and put them both through the scanner. Which isn't such a huge deal, but when added to the trouble of removing one's shoes, emptying one's pockets, removing one's jacket, then opening the belt and being personally scanned... well, let's just say he wanted to remove any obstacles he could in getting through security!

The biggest problem with his traveling is that our schedule gets thrown. And the kids used to get colds when he went out of town! Fortunately, that isn't happening now. Perhaps they've grown out of it.

I do try to give them something to look forward to every day while Dad's gone. Today we're going to make homemade ice cream, and tomorrow we'll go buy some books.

That generally helps!

Monday, June 14, 2004

My husband made it back home, and we were all so glad to see him. It was just a few days, but if felt like a week. We're not used to him traveling anymore.

Now we're planning another birthday party. I always like to get my husband's help on choosing presents for the kids - I normally just go to the toy department, but he is much more creative than that and always finds really unusual and fun things for the kids, and they aren't usually "toys".

I think we'll get our daughter a watch - she's turning 8. And we'll have to see what else catches our eye!