Label all sticks "Not a Sword"

This is one of the funniest Onion stories I've ever seen.

"The Department of Health and Human Services issued a series of guidelines Monday designed to help parents curtail their children's boundless imaginations, which child-safety advocates say have the potential to rival motor vehicle accidents and congenital diseases as a leading cause of disability and death among youths ages 3 to 14...

...Defuse the ticking time-bomb known as your child's imagination before it explodes and destroys her completely...New data shows a disturbing correlation between serious accidents and the ability of children to envision a world full of exciting possibility."

Prevention advice includes "Speak with your children about the absolute impossibility of time travel, magical powers, and animals and toys that talk when adults are not around...

..."Many of the suggestions are really quite simple, like breaking down cardboard boxes or sewing cushions to couches so they cannot be converted into forts or playhouses..Blank pieces of paper, which can inspire non-reality-based drawings, should be discarded unless they are used in one of our recommended diagonal folding and unfolding activities. And all loose sticks left lying in the yard should be carefully labeled 'Not a Sword.'"

The entire article was just too funny. I've got my Sharpie out and headed for the backyard, prepared to take on all the loose sticks.